Together: A poem

I wrote this in chineese but cannot do so here. Here is the translated version;

No matter how this ends,
At least, we have met.
Don't bother to make promises,
No need of written words,
The fact of our being together is enough.
We all have many memories in our lives.
I hope I will be part of yours.

Cutesy. xD

I'd give it a five, just because it was chinese and it's adorable.

Thanks! *bows*

xD Ne'time

*raises eyebrows* Carbon? Copy?

-she would shrug her shoulders in dismissal- It's a song. So what's up?

I'm giving my opinion because this is a place of critique so here goes.

That............. to put it nicely............. needs some work. Seriously! You can't just write some emo/love crap, find some chinese translator on Google, run it through there, and call it a poem! What's up with all the "together-ness" in the poem? Is this based off something is your life because your life is not dramatic enough (believe me I have 4 periods with you) to inspire this. It's like you're signature. It's a bunch of lies. You are not the life of the party you just try to be it and are usually yelled at by Dub/Henderson/Alicia/everyone for doing so. I'm glad this stuff isn't showing up on Blogplosion.

I know that was ranty but that is my honest opinion on that poem. You practically begged me to come here to critique on your writing and now I have. Have fun.

Here's some critique that's not overtly ranty like Carter's:

I don't know what your opinion of poetry is, but my opinion is something with verses that rhyme. Of course, I don't know much about poetry; I'm not a serious intellectual writer (I write 'cause I'm bored). Anyway, it was pretty good, emotiive and all... though it doesn't really fit my understanding of a poem (that understanding being probably not accurate).

Ok.

1. A poem can be an arrangement of words that don't even have to make sense; it's just a way for the poet to express something. Much of the time it rhymes.

2. Carter, grr.

3. It was ORIGINALLY written in Chinese, not translated INTO Chinese.

4. Though slightly egogistical, his signature is much of the time.

5. Carter, what gives you the right to judge whether or not this is an accurate reflection of his life/feelings? Maybe this is how he feels not how he acts.

Presidente wrote:I'm giving my opinion because this is a place of critique so here goes.

That............. to put it nicely............. needs some work. Seriously! You can't just write some emo/love crap, find some chinese translator on Google, run it through there, and call it a poem! What's up with all the "together-ness" in the poem? Is this based off something is your life because your life is not dramatic enough (believe me I have 4 periods with you) to inspire this. It's like you're signature. It's a bunch of lies. You are not the life of the party you just try to be it and are usually yelled at by Dub/Henderson/Alicia/everyone for doing so. I'm glad this stuff isn't showing up on BS.

I know that was ranty but that is my honest opinion on that poem. You practically begged me to come here to critique on your writing and now I have. Have fun.

Carter... carter, carter, carter. What has changed since I invited you here. Under normal circumstances, I would delete this rant, maybe edit it. This time, I will keep it. First off Carter, all poetry to you is "emo/love crap" and just because an author asks for a crit, it doesn't mean they want a Cowel rant. No, not even Cowel is like that. I would also have to agree with Lydia, I WROTE it in chineese (not English) and then typed it here in English (no need to have run anything through google to bring this to you... I fail to see how that suggestion is even moderately relavant.) Also, yes Carter, not that it concerns you but it DOES reflect my life. And yes Carter, I know that I have four periods with you, its hard not to notice. Why do you insist on putting up a facade? This rant, clever/not clever as it may be is a show that you for some reason feel that you must put on for my other guests (members.) Furthermore my signature is not "a bunch of lies". Lets get that straight right now. Everyone who knows me (well, or at least better than the likes of you) can and will certianly identify me as the life of the party. As for your list of people:

1.Dub. Dub, while he may not appreaciate my livelyhood 24/7, doesn't attempt to kill it.
2. Henderson. Do you honestly think I give a rat's ass about what Henderson thinks about me? If so, then you know me less than I once thought possible.
3. Alicia? Huh? Is this just a name you pulled out of your butt to throw at me? I'm gonna ignore that one

As for the oppionion that they"yell at me," aside from Henderbra and the likes, that simply is not so. I'm just so glad that I'm no longer on BS.

I know that was ranty but that is my honest opinion on that poem. You practically begged me to come here to critique on your writing and now I have. Have fun.

Now this part I find ESPESIALY rich. This isn't a critique, this is an excuse for you to attack me through what you precieve to be a weak point, my emotional structure. Let me inform you that you cheap shot below the belt has failed. Your sorry excuse for a real oppionon matters not as far as I am concerned. Now this is the part where, if I were anything like you, I would tag an "i'm sorry, that was rude" disclaimer. Well, I dont' care, you're sorry but I'm NOT! Do you hear? I'M NOT SORRY!!!

*snort*

Sorry, but... that's so... ironic.

Considering I'm quoting you?

Yes, that. And... nvm.

What?

Nothing.

Fine. What do we talk about now?