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Let me in

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Let me in

Post by Tyler on Wed May 14, 2008 10:23 pm

Sooo... here is one of my many songs:

can anybody see me can anybody hear

me sitting on your doorstep yelling loud and clear

im crying out for some one to answer all my prayers

please let me in, please let me in



can't you hear a tapping at your door

i just want to yell out but fear holds it in

it is so very lonely out in the cold

please let me in, please let me in



Is no one listening is no one kind

i asked for a place now im getting left behind

my prayers are left unanswered and i think you just dont care

no your not kind youve left me behind

your didn't oh you didn't, didn't listen-didn't listen



can any body see me can any body here

me sitting on your doorstep yelling loud and clear



I asked for a place now im getting left behind

and my prayers are left unanswered and i think you just don't care

no your not kind youve left me behind

you didn't oh you didn't, didn't listen-didn't listen



can anybody see me can anybody hear

me sitting on your doorstep yelling loud and clear

please let me in, please let me

please let me in, oh please let me in



Tell me what ya think...
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Tyler
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Re: Let me in

Post by greatmage104 on Sat May 17, 2008 6:41 pm

I would suggest having someone else proofread it. Heres why: when you write something, the stanzas seem to flow perfectly... but if you read it out loud or have someone read it to you, you tend to find out how well it actually flows. Nice work though.
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Re: Let me in

Post by fireflare77 on Sun Jun 01, 2008 3:33 am

Stanzas - 5/10 - average
Meaning - 7/10 - good
Flow + Structure - 6/10 - fair

bit repettitive for me. Nice otherwise (Carter, THIS is emo poetry)

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